A few years ago (I could tell you exactly what year but I am a charter member of Recovering Perfectionists Anonymous - whoops!) I read a book called Popular Crime: Reflections on the Celebration of Violence by Bill James, which I found on the new book shelf at the library. Being consumed with stress, worry, and anxiety about teaching, parenting, and applying to grad school, I decided to reread the book as some "light reading."
If reading pages and pages and pages about serial killers doesn't distract you from your current worries, I don't know what will.
Of course then you have new worries.
Anyway, I remembered the book as being very well-written: clever, funny, with analysis of famous crimes in the past and comments on our judicial system, both past and present. However, I couldn't really remember the way the book ended, and I suspect that is why I wanted to reread it.
Now I know. For some reason, his editor let him endlessly write about serial killers, way beyond anyone's ability to take it anymore. At one point, he even comments that he will meet with his editor and decide which ones to take out later, but I am not convinced that meeting ever happened. What this section is missing is his analysis, and it becomes a little like looking at billboards along a highway from a speeding car. Each new paragraph is a billboard of yet another serial killer I've never heard of with a cursory summary of the crimes committed. I honestly didn't know there WERE that many! Like I said, new worries.
At the end of the serial killer section, he does give us some analysis on how these kinds of cases are solved, and that is interesting and worthwhile. By then I was feeling a little numb, however.
The best part of the end is the analysis of the JonBenet Ramsey case, which I paid no attention to as it was occurring, so I didn't know any of the details. It seems clear that the Ramseys were not involved and I hope someday they figure out who did it.
On the whole, worthwhile reading if you can stomach it. Oh, and Lizzie Borden? Innocent.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Monday, November 11, 2013
The Next Step
Why did I take the GRE? Aside from the reason that anyone pays money and spends good time to be tortured by crazy standardized test questions...to go to graduate school. Specifically, in my case, because I want to get a PhD in how people learn languages. In some schools this specialization is in the education department, in others, the linguistics department, and other schools have a special second language studies department. It made figuring out which universities to apply to quite challenging!
Over the summer I narrowed it down to eight, then eliminated two of those, and now it's back up to eight because I added two different schools. The first four deadlines are the middle of December. All of these universities are significantly north of where I currently live - if you know me, you know I've been wanting to move north for quite a while!
I am currently trying to lock down my third recommendation, hopefully my thesis adviser from my MA program, and then I need to order a whole bunch of transcripts and start working on my personal statements. (Well, I already have a generic first draft, but it needs to be personalized for each school.) Yesterday I revised my resume, which I hadn't touched since 2010, so there was a lot to add.
All of this on top of teaching and taking care of six children! Why am I blogging?! I must go do some of this!
Hej då!
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Random Thoughts About the GRE
There's an odd symmetry here: I first took the GRE almost exactly twenty years ago.
However, now it's entirely different. In 1993, I took it on paper in a big lecture hall with a bunch of other people on the timer's schedule. In 2013, it's an adaptive, computer-based test that I took at my own pace (I skipped my ten minute break) at a cubicle with about five layers of security watching me. I had to wait about six weeks for my scores way back when, all the while having no idea how I did because it was the oddest standardized test I'd ever taken. Today, I got my scores as soon as I finished.
I was nervous/concerned about the reading comprehension parts, which I'd been having trouble with on the practice tests. But I studied and worked and kept practicing and got better. I was also nervous about the math. But I could tell myself, "You've always done well on standardized tests. Relax!" and I did, mostly. This made me feel lots of compassion for people who don't test well or have test anxiety. Each negative experience reinforces the anxiety about testing. I really wish high-stakes testing was not part of our culture!
The person who escorted me to my cubicle motioned towards headphones and said they were for noise. "Noise?" I thought. What noise? Umm, will there be four boys arguing in the background? Will a certain five year old be pitching his daily fit over nothing? Will the phone be ringing every five minutes with a telemarketer? Will Thor suddenly decide to chase Loki across the house, banging into things and knocking things down? Will daughters be interrupting me with urgent questions? Will the TV be blaring Pokémon in the background? No? Well then, there's no noise. Seriously? I think I can deal with hearing someone breathe and someone walk around to check I'm not cheating. Yeah, pretty sure.
In fact, taking the GRE was like taking a mini-vacation. Except my brain wasn't on vacation. But I could sit there and concentrate and no one would interrupt me unless the building was in flames. NO ONE! I'm sorry but, DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW NICE THAT IS???? I sat in that chair for 4 hours. It was lovely. Especially when the test adjusted and gave me an easier second math section. It's better when I can actually understand what the question is asking.
I was elated when I figured out that I had scored in the 99th percentile for the verbal section. I had a 45 minute drive home and the first twenty minutes I was all, "Hey! I'm done earlier than I thought! I could stop at Target and buy that stuff for school! I could get a treat! I could...." and then the fatigue hit and I thought, "I stilllll have to drrrrriiiiveee twen.....tyyyyyy more....whatever those things are called....minnnnnnutes....home...."
But when I got home, I had two treats waiting for me: Beowulf (oldest son) was on the phone and...Kriemhildsdotter had made me brownies!!!!
On to the next phase of applying to graduate school!
However, now it's entirely different. In 1993, I took it on paper in a big lecture hall with a bunch of other people on the timer's schedule. In 2013, it's an adaptive, computer-based test that I took at my own pace (I skipped my ten minute break) at a cubicle with about five layers of security watching me. I had to wait about six weeks for my scores way back when, all the while having no idea how I did because it was the oddest standardized test I'd ever taken. Today, I got my scores as soon as I finished.
I was nervous/concerned about the reading comprehension parts, which I'd been having trouble with on the practice tests. But I studied and worked and kept practicing and got better. I was also nervous about the math. But I could tell myself, "You've always done well on standardized tests. Relax!" and I did, mostly. This made me feel lots of compassion for people who don't test well or have test anxiety. Each negative experience reinforces the anxiety about testing. I really wish high-stakes testing was not part of our culture!
The person who escorted me to my cubicle motioned towards headphones and said they were for noise. "Noise?" I thought. What noise? Umm, will there be four boys arguing in the background? Will a certain five year old be pitching his daily fit over nothing? Will the phone be ringing every five minutes with a telemarketer? Will Thor suddenly decide to chase Loki across the house, banging into things and knocking things down? Will daughters be interrupting me with urgent questions? Will the TV be blaring Pokémon in the background? No? Well then, there's no noise. Seriously? I think I can deal with hearing someone breathe and someone walk around to check I'm not cheating. Yeah, pretty sure.
In fact, taking the GRE was like taking a mini-vacation. Except my brain wasn't on vacation. But I could sit there and concentrate and no one would interrupt me unless the building was in flames. NO ONE! I'm sorry but, DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW NICE THAT IS???? I sat in that chair for 4 hours. It was lovely. Especially when the test adjusted and gave me an easier second math section. It's better when I can actually understand what the question is asking.
I was elated when I figured out that I had scored in the 99th percentile for the verbal section. I had a 45 minute drive home and the first twenty minutes I was all, "Hey! I'm done earlier than I thought! I could stop at Target and buy that stuff for school! I could get a treat! I could...." and then the fatigue hit and I thought, "I stilllll have to drrrrriiiiveee twen.....tyyyyyy more....whatever those things are called....minnnnnnutes....home...."
But when I got home, I had two treats waiting for me: Beowulf (oldest son) was on the phone and...Kriemhildsdotter had made me brownies!!!!
On to the next phase of applying to graduate school!
Sunday, July 14, 2013
A Norse Crossword
Thursday, June 13, 2013
52 Books 2013 - Young Adult Fiction
I'm doing really well this year with my goal of reading at least 52 books! If you've talked to me since 2010, you know that I tend to überobsess about it. I did not reach my goal in 2011 and have vowed to never let that happen again.
So far in 2013 I have read 41, 22 of which were fiction. That is really good for me, since I tend to overdose on depressing non-fiction. I've even read a couple new young adult novels because they sounded interesting.
Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver sounded like a version of the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day and the description intrigued me. I would sum it up as:
Mean Girl gets a clue while reliving her death day seven times and realizing that everybody has reasons and everything you do has consequences, surrounded by enough teen angst, sex, and drug use to make up several modern Rebel Without a Cause spinoffs.
It's a first novel, and I think it was a good premise, but it could have used a bit more fleshing out while simultaneously being edited. What I didn't like about it was how steeped in relative morality it seemed . We find out why the Queen Mean Girl is the way she is, but she's now driven someone to contemplate suicide and made life hell for many others. The main character loves her, flaws and all, but as the reader, I don't. I'm pretty much appalled. And that makes me question the main character. Her sole motivation for actions appears to be fitting in and being popular, something else I've never understood. If I hadn't been in the mood for a distraction, I might not have finished this book, because it ran long and I wasn't sure it was going to get better enough to be worth it.
However, Every Day by David Levithan was so good I could hardly put it down! It also had an intriguing premise, but unlike Before I Fall, it was tightly constructed and kept me hooked. The idea is that A, the main character, wakes up in a different person's body each morning. A has learned how to live like that and manages until the day A falls in love with his host's girlfriend. What will happen? Can they find a way to be together? Read it and find out!
So far in 2013 I have read 41, 22 of which were fiction. That is really good for me, since I tend to overdose on depressing non-fiction. I've even read a couple new young adult novels because they sounded interesting.
Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver sounded like a version of the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day and the description intrigued me. I would sum it up as:
Mean Girl gets a clue while reliving her death day seven times and realizing that everybody has reasons and everything you do has consequences, surrounded by enough teen angst, sex, and drug use to make up several modern Rebel Without a Cause spinoffs.
It's a first novel, and I think it was a good premise, but it could have used a bit more fleshing out while simultaneously being edited. What I didn't like about it was how steeped in relative morality it seemed . We find out why the Queen Mean Girl is the way she is, but she's now driven someone to contemplate suicide and made life hell for many others. The main character loves her, flaws and all, but as the reader, I don't. I'm pretty much appalled. And that makes me question the main character. Her sole motivation for actions appears to be fitting in and being popular, something else I've never understood. If I hadn't been in the mood for a distraction, I might not have finished this book, because it ran long and I wasn't sure it was going to get better enough to be worth it.
However, Every Day by David Levithan was so good I could hardly put it down! It also had an intriguing premise, but unlike Before I Fall, it was tightly constructed and kept me hooked. The idea is that A, the main character, wakes up in a different person's body each morning. A has learned how to live like that and manages until the day A falls in love with his host's girlfriend. What will happen? Can they find a way to be together? Read it and find out!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Deeply Restorative
One phrase kept running through my mind: deeply restorative. It struck me as rather odd and so I kept mulling.
Being alone at home was deeply restorative.
And then I realized, if being home alone is deeply restorative, then there must be something that needs restoring, deeply.
What?
Or, should I say, who?
Since I finished graduate school in 1996 and became a stay-at-home mom to two children, and then a homeschooling mom a year later, I have had very little time at home by myself. As in, virtually none. Until this school year, the hours could probably be counted on one hand.
That's a long time to not be alone in one's own house!
Have I mentioned that I'm an introvert?
I also rarely went out alone for many years.
In 2008, the year my youngest was born, my oldest left for college and my next oldest was not yet old enough to babysit. That year I took six children with me everywhere I went, four of them five and under. I still have some form of "PTSD" when I'm out and see a mom with several little children. I recently had to leave the library because a newborn was crying inconsolably and it was making me anxious and upset.
Understandably, I was rather excited one day about a month ago when I got the opportunity to be home for nearly three hours by myself. I ate lunch and organized my closet, but also chatted with Beowulf via Facebook and spent some time online. As my time ended, I felt that, while it had been wonderful to actually do a task with no interruptions, I hadn't really been alone because of being on the computer.
That was a dry run for a day the following week, when I got the chance to spend the entire school day at home by myself. An absolutely delicious six hours, which probably doubled the amount of time I'd ever been home by myself. I did whatever I felt like doing, including watching a German movie I'd had from Netflix for a while. I did not really spend any time online. And it was...
Deeply restorative.
Restorative: adj. 1) serving to restore; pertaining to restoration. 2) capable of renewing health or strength.
Restore: v. 1) to bring back into existence, use, or the like; reestablish. 2) to bring back to a former, original, or normal condition. 3) to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor.
Restoration: n. 1) the act of restoring; renewal, revival, or reestablishment. 2) the state or fact of being restored. 3) a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition. 4) restitution of something taken away or lost. *
We stopped homeschooling as a way of life this year because I was incredibly burned out. When I got to the point of not even wanting to think about homeschooling, I knew it was time. But what I'm discovering is that the burnout didn't just concern homeschooling, and it didn't go away with putting the children in school. It has apparently extended to the practice of my Catholic faith, cooking, cleaning (all except decluttering, interestingly enough), laundry...
At the end of my day alone, I thought, "A thousand more days like that and I'll be good."
Three years alone to recover from seventeen years of intensive, all-consuming parenting and homeschooling? Sounds about right. It would be -
Deeply restorative.
* Definitions from dictionary.com. They are not complete; I only used what I felt applied.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Kattastrophe
There was quite an uproar by my daughters for my unoriginality in naming our cat Katt. My defense, that it was 12:30 am and I needed sleep, was not accepted. So then I joked that he could be Loki, since the dog is Thor. The girls actually liked that, because the dog and cat have an adversarial relationship anyway.
Of course, how much does it really matter, since I never blog about the cat...I mean, Loki...anyway?
Apparently it does matter to my daughters.
Of course, how much does it really matter, since I never blog about the cat...I mean, Loki...anyway?
Apparently it does matter to my daughters.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
The Naming Saga
On this blog, I have decided to give each of my family members Germanic or Scandinavian names. I love medieval German lit, so a lot of the names will come from those stories. However, at least two of my children and I love all things Scandinavian as well, so I decided not to limit the names to Germanic.
I took Kriemhild for myself because I love the Nibelungenlied. You may know her as the crazed vengeful lunatic she is commonly portrayed as in movies, but I've always been more sympathetic to her. Siegfried was her husband, her one true love whom she was determined to avenge, so my honey will of course be Siegfried. I'm going to enjoy calling him that!
Our oldest son was allowed to choose his own name, and he wants to be Beowulf. No surprise there.
I asked each of my daughters, and they have not given me any input.
I joked to younger daughter that I was going to call her Kriemhildsdotter (Kriemhild's daughter, a typical Scandinavian last name), because, honestly, she's been reading all about Scandinavian mythology and she can't come up with a name? Her response? "Just don't write about me for a while!"
Our older daughter hasn't made any suggestions either, but she's a ballet dancer, so I'm going to call her Isolde. I'm not sure if there's ever been a ballet about Tristan and Isolde, but it could be really beautiful if there were one. And yes, Isolde did some regrettable things, but it was all the love-potion's fault! (Or the meddling mother's fault, but I'm going to go with love potion.)
As for the four younger boys, I've decided to go ahead and give them all names of Knights of the Round Table. Not Germanic, you think? Think again! Many of the medieval Germanic works are Arthurian in origin, and came to the German through French translations.
Oldest younger boy: Gawan. In English, he's known as Gawain, but Gawan is the German spelling. One of my books calls him "the paragon of Arthurian knighthood." This boy has always loved knights and castles and was at one point hoping to be a knight when he grows up (and perhaps still is hoping that).
Twin A and Twin B: Erec and Iwein. I was tempted to name them after Parzival and Condwiramurs' twins, but thought I would soon tire of typing Loherangrin and Kardeiz. Also, Erec and Iwein were both written by Hartmann von Aue, so those names are fitting for twins. Plus, well, I'll explain that reason next.
Youngest boy: Parzival. I wanted to use this name for the youngest, because he is an extreme mama's boy, and Parzival's mother Herzeloyde raises him in the woods away from all other humans so that he won't know anything of knights, because his father was treacherously killed. Of course this totally backfires when he comes across some knights and is fascinated and decides to leave the forest so he can be like them. Hopefully this will not happen here! So you can see that calling the twins Parzival's sons' names would have been, well, awkward, although I'm sure that my youngest would have loved to order them around like he was their father (oh wait, he already does).
As for the dog, I think Thor, Dog of Thunder, will suffice. The cat can be Katt (Swedish for cat), unless I think of something better later.
Off to reread some German medieval lit! Forgot how much I liked this stuff! Or sleep, yeah, sleep would be good...
I took Kriemhild for myself because I love the Nibelungenlied. You may know her as the crazed vengeful lunatic she is commonly portrayed as in movies, but I've always been more sympathetic to her. Siegfried was her husband, her one true love whom she was determined to avenge, so my honey will of course be Siegfried. I'm going to enjoy calling him that!
Our oldest son was allowed to choose his own name, and he wants to be Beowulf. No surprise there.
I asked each of my daughters, and they have not given me any input.
I joked to younger daughter that I was going to call her Kriemhildsdotter (Kriemhild's daughter, a typical Scandinavian last name), because, honestly, she's been reading all about Scandinavian mythology and she can't come up with a name? Her response? "Just don't write about me for a while!"
Our older daughter hasn't made any suggestions either, but she's a ballet dancer, so I'm going to call her Isolde. I'm not sure if there's ever been a ballet about Tristan and Isolde, but it could be really beautiful if there were one. And yes, Isolde did some regrettable things, but it was all the love-potion's fault! (Or the meddling mother's fault, but I'm going to go with love potion.)
As for the four younger boys, I've decided to go ahead and give them all names of Knights of the Round Table. Not Germanic, you think? Think again! Many of the medieval Germanic works are Arthurian in origin, and came to the German through French translations.
Oldest younger boy: Gawan. In English, he's known as Gawain, but Gawan is the German spelling. One of my books calls him "the paragon of Arthurian knighthood." This boy has always loved knights and castles and was at one point hoping to be a knight when he grows up (and perhaps still is hoping that).
Twin A and Twin B: Erec and Iwein. I was tempted to name them after Parzival and Condwiramurs' twins, but thought I would soon tire of typing Loherangrin and Kardeiz. Also, Erec and Iwein were both written by Hartmann von Aue, so those names are fitting for twins. Plus, well, I'll explain that reason next.
Youngest boy: Parzival. I wanted to use this name for the youngest, because he is an extreme mama's boy, and Parzival's mother Herzeloyde raises him in the woods away from all other humans so that he won't know anything of knights, because his father was treacherously killed. Of course this totally backfires when he comes across some knights and is fascinated and decides to leave the forest so he can be like them. Hopefully this will not happen here! So you can see that calling the twins Parzival's sons' names would have been, well, awkward, although I'm sure that my youngest would have loved to order them around like he was their father (oh wait, he already does).
As for the dog, I think Thor, Dog of Thunder, will suffice. The cat can be Katt (Swedish for cat), unless I think of something better later.
Off to reread some German medieval lit! Forgot how much I liked this stuff! Or sleep, yeah, sleep would be good...
Friday, April 12, 2013
A Welcome in Any Language Would Sound as Sweet!
Willkommen! ¡Bienvenido! Välkommen! Bienvenue!
Welcome to Books and Brownies, an alliterative title that summarizes my two favorite things! Life is going a million miles a minute for me here - but I'll try to post about it when I can!
Welcome to Books and Brownies, an alliterative title that summarizes my two favorite things! Life is going a million miles a minute for me here - but I'll try to post about it when I can!
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